[ It would be easier if she took his hand, if she'd reached out for him like she was a little kid again and he was just her father. He could have pulled her close and held her, telling her without clumsy words how much he hates seeing her in pain and how much he wants to fix it. But she doesn't, she can't, and God help him he understands that too.
He meets her gaze as she looks back at him, those beautiful green eyes that remind him distantly of his mother. Willing himself to be an answer for her. Grasping his feelings for her feels like holding on to the wrong end of a sword, cutting himself deep the harder he grips it, but knowing that he can't let go or he'll be run through.
When she turns away he lowers his hand back to his side, slowly, closing his fingers on nothing except the cold wet air of the Down. He wants to tell her she couldn't have done anything anyway, not here or at home, but he knows she knows that already. Knows she won't need that pointing out. It won't help.
He follows her gaze out over the water. ]
You didn't ask to be here, Laura, no more'n any of us did. I'd rather know you were up there in that apartment with Keller and the others eatin' pizza than down here takin' risks.
[ He pushes out a breath and clears his throat after it. ]
One of the.. one of the hardest things I've ever done was makin' myself understand that I couldn't always be there to protect you. That you didn't need me to be around all the time because you could take care of yourself. Ever since I met that scrawny little kid who pinned me down and tried to bleed me out, all I've wanted to do is look after you. But I knew no matter what I did, I couldn't always be there, even though I promised to try as damn hard as I could. And I tried to keep my word on that.
I know it's hard. The lives we lead, the shit we end up in.. [ He waves vaguely at their surroundings. ] All the shit I've dragged you into -- I know it's hard. [ He turns his head to study her profile, wishing he had more to offer than that painful solidarity. ] I know, darlin'.
no subject
He meets her gaze as she looks back at him, those beautiful green eyes that remind him distantly of his mother. Willing himself to be an answer for her. Grasping his feelings for her feels like holding on to the wrong end of a sword, cutting himself deep the harder he grips it, but knowing that he can't let go or he'll be run through.
When she turns away he lowers his hand back to his side, slowly, closing his fingers on nothing except the cold wet air of the Down. He wants to tell her she couldn't have done anything anyway, not here or at home, but he knows she knows that already. Knows she won't need that pointing out. It won't help.
He follows her gaze out over the water. ]
You didn't ask to be here, Laura, no more'n any of us did. I'd rather know you were up there in that apartment with Keller and the others eatin' pizza than down here takin' risks.
[ He pushes out a breath and clears his throat after it. ]
One of the.. one of the hardest things I've ever done was makin' myself understand that I couldn't always be there to protect you. That you didn't need me to be around all the time because you could take care of yourself. Ever since I met that scrawny little kid who pinned me down and tried to bleed me out, all I've wanted to do is look after you. But I knew no matter what I did, I couldn't always be there, even though I promised to try as damn hard as I could. And I tried to keep my word on that.
I know it's hard. The lives we lead, the shit we end up in.. [ He waves vaguely at their surroundings. ] All the shit I've dragged you into -- I know it's hard. [ He turns his head to study her profile, wishing he had more to offer than that painful solidarity. ] I know, darlin'.